#10 Bryce

Circa 2009 (March)
42 Years Old

I often see a look of confusion in peoples reaction when they find out I have a daughter.  “Wait, I thought he was gay!”. It’s funny to just leave them to their thoughts for a while before I tell them the story.  YOU, my friend, get to have the whole story here and now.  Sit tight and get comfortable.  Heather and I have known each other since we were 18.  I moved out of the house and was living with my first boyfriend and Heather was our next door neighbour.  Over the years we lost and regained contact.  When we were about 30, we reconnected again and continued on our partying ways and hanging out at Lesbian bars.

During this time, Heather met Michelle and in true Lesbian fashion, they quickly fell madly in love and bought a Uhaul after 20 minutes.  They were relentless with the PDA.  Didn’t matter where we were or who was around, they bumped and grinded and made out constantly………..I of course was always the third wheel so began to call them ‘Shmoopie’ and ‘Whoopie’ (ala Seinfeld “You’re Shoopie….no YOU’RE Shmoopie).  I made the mistake of calling myself ‘Poopie’ so I wouldn’t feel left out and now this name haunts me to this day.  They both still call me ‘Poopie’ and ‘Poop’.

“Wait, I thought he was gay!”

The three of us used to hang out quite often and from time to time one of us would say “We should all make a baby together and be a little gay family” and we’d laugh and drink and smoke our cigarettes and carry on with the rest of our evening.  As time progressed this topic would come up more and more until one day we just said “Well, then lets just do it”.  And so we did.

Now I know you are thinking “But how Terry?  But how did you ‘do it’?”.  Heather immediately knew that she wasn’t interested in being the one to carry the baby and Michelle was super excited to do it.  Michelle and I both also knew that we didn’t need or want to have actual sex (ew girls) with each other so artificial it was.

“We should all make a baby together and be a little gay family”

Michelle had spoken to her Doctor and she advised that it will work best if I held off on ANY ‘activity‘ (alone or not) for at least 10 days.  TEN DAYS!!!!   Artificial Insemination is extremely expensive when done clinically and none of us had that kind of money, so it was decided to try it ourselves.  We have all heard the stories about the turkey baster……..why the hell wouldn’t that work?  So after I white knuckled it though the 10 days of no ‘activity‘, the girls had me over to their place and fed me chicken & vodka and we watched Jerry Springer.  Then it was time.

They handed me a glass and off I went to the bathroom.  Now remember that it had been TEN DAYS so needless to say I was returning with the glass and it’s ‘contents‘ within a MAXIMUM of 45 seconds.  I barely had time to actually lock the door.  *shrug*.  This first time, it was attempted with a syringe but it didn’t seem to do the trick so to be safe, we waited a day and did the whole process one more time but this time with an actual turkey baster.  A few weeks later and after at least 4 or 5 pregnancy tests…………Michelle was pregnant and then on June 02, 1999, we had a daughter.

“Michelle and I both also knew that we didn’t need or want to have actual sex (ew girls) with each other so artificial it was.”

So it was time to name her.  Her name is a combination of all three of our last names.  Bryce after my last name, Briceland, Myers is Heather’s last name and Simpson is Michelle’s. Bryce Myers Simpson…She is all set to start her own law firm.  At the time of writing this post, she is Seventeen years old and one amazing fucking person.  We are extremely similar in many, many ways.

We both have the same sense of humour and like and dislike a lot of the same things.  Her and I both love our graphic tees with rock bands or comic book images.  A couple of years ago in school, the students were asked to write a paragraph about someone in their life that influenced who they are today.   This is what she wrote…..get out the Kleenex…

“my dad is a huge factor to my personality. We are very similar, He basically created my sense of humour. My dad enjoys being cocky which is why I no longer care what people say or think about me because, as he always says, “we are fucking spectacular”

RIGHT???   Something I have have always said to her is “Remember Bryce, we are Fucking Spectacular”.  Looks like she was listening all along.  (That mantra is also a tattoo that will be coming up in the next few weeks or so.)   OK, back to to the tattoo.  I absolutely loved what Eds did last time with my ‘Affected’ tattoo.  He’s a genius with text and typography based tattoos.  So there was no other thought for who was going do my next tattoo.

This was also the first tattoo that was absolutely out in the open.  This was my hand.  The only time it wouldn’t be seen is when I was wearing my Michael Jackson glitter glove and I stopped wearing that months prior.  So this was the nail in the coffin.  This was the tattoo that would define me as ‘That guy with the tattoos’.  No turning back after this one.  So having my daughters name and having it done by Eds was all the convincing I needed.

You can check out Eds on Instagram and he appears for at least 6 more weeks on ‘Terry’s Tattoos Tuesdays’ PLUS we have a tentative date set (early August 2016) for some more work so we will see what comes from that.

Wanna Know More?

teb Interiors

201W-639 Queen Street West

Toronto, Ontario, M5V 2B7



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